When You Are in a Romance Scam, YouListen to Your Heart, Not Your Head

Life does not announce its pivotal moments with bells and whistles. Instead, it hides them in tiny, seemingly innocent decisions we make. The type that can be soul-crushing. The type that makes you scream inside and can change your whole being. I made that decision in July 2023, and this is my story…

I became a widow in 2015. Losing my husband in a tragic incident was devastating, and as a result, I took early retirement because I just couldn’t perform as a professional in the health industry anymore. I realised I had to somehow carry on, and through meditation, prayer and self-care, and learning what my priorities were, I became resilient with my recovery journey.

One of the activities I used to love was volunteering at nursing homes and visiting the seniors, especially if they didn’t have any family, and just sitting down and talking to them. As a former member of the Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF), I particularly enjoyed talking to veterans.

A Sinister Storm Brewing in the Distance
Before I was targeted, I never knew anything about romance scams. I wasn’t even on any internet dating sites, looking for love, nothing like that. I was happy within myself, even though it had been eight years since I became a widow.

I was, however, on TikTok because I describe myself as an ‘arty’ person who loves to paint, sketch, and read. I love history—ancient and modern—and love live theatre. I also enjoy cooking. So, of course, always looking out for recipes, and TikTok is a good place for recipes, too.

I followed this TikTok channel about art appreciation and techniques, and that is where my scammer contacted me out of the blue in July 2023.

We just started talking about watercolours, landscapes, abstracts, and things like that. I thought he was a really nice person, and he knows what he’s talking about. So we started communicating, and eventually he told me about himself.

He introduced himself as Thomas Griffin George, a civilian mechanical engineer in the US Army, who was going on deployment to Iraq. He was 12 years my junior, which I wasn’t very happy about. He said he was a widower and had two sons: Collins and Smith. I actually saw him on video chats. I saw his boys on video chats, too. So, everything just seemed perfect.

Back then, I was going through a very difficult time medically: I was diagnosed with a very severe condition. All I wanted was to concentrate on my own well-being. Because of my health situation, I told him straight up that I didn’t want a relationship at all. However, after weeks of talking to this person and exchanging innocent photos daily, he became affectionate, and the love bombing began. The attention was intoxicating as I realised how much I had missed the company of a male. With that, he literally got into my soul, and as in everyone else’s romance scam story, I fell hook, line and sinker.

One day, he said, “Do you mind if I remain in contact with you while away?” Of course, I didn’t mind. 

When he arrived in Iraq, though, the first thing he said to me was, “Look, I’m terribly sorry, but over here, everybody’s bank accounts have been locked up.” That was unusual. I asked how he was getting paid. He told me that he was still getting paid by the defence department, but he couldn’t use it. The government supplied all the food, accommodation, and everything else, but they had to pay for their Wi-Fi. He said, “Look, is there any chance that you can send me some money for my Wi-Fi?” I thought to myself, I don’t drink, I don’t gamble, I lead a very, very good life, and I had the money to spare, so that was a start. With that, I passed the first test.

There were just certain things he said about his military career, though. They were really odd. As someone who was awarded a military medal by the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force), I challenged him to explain exactly what he meant, but he couldn’t.

When The Mask Falls Off
It wasn’t long before he fabricated yet another story to get more money from me…

One day, he said, “Look, I can get out of here and come and see you, but for me to terminate my deployment, I have to pay my way out.” I said, “Okay, how much is that?” He said, “$5,000.” I flatly refused. He tried it a couple of times and wasn’t getting anywhere with me, so in the end, he said that he would fly to Australia to see me, but he needed the airfare. What did I do? Of course, I paid for his airfare.

He was now on his way to see me. He told me that he had left Iraq and that they had landed in Moscow. Just before he was set off for the airport from the base in Moscow, he sent me a picture of all his bags packed, the itinerary, and his passport. It was a 4-hour trip, apparently, from where the base was to the airport in Moscow, and of course, the typical story was that he was ambushed.

His Commander—who was another scammer—contacted me and said he was in the hospital. I asked him the hospital’s name, so I rang it, but of course, they don’t speak English, so I got nowhere. I sent them an email with the option to send it in their language. I received a response saying they didn’t have anybody by that name! At that point, I realised that it was all a scam and I told him so. After that, I didn’t talk to him for a month. He absolutely hated it.

When Love Turns Dangerous
Looking back now, I see that my story was very similar to everyone else’s because he was able to reel me back in. Inexplicably, he found his way back into my heart again, and when you’re in a romance scam, you listen to your heart, not your head.

This went on for some time until I decided that I had to concentrate on my health. In the end, I told him, “I’ve got to stop this. I’m on treatment, and I just can’t do this. I’ve got to concentrate on me.” That’s when he became very nasty, and the threats started to roll in.

First, he told me, “I’ve got all your pictures, and I’m going to use them.” There were a couple of pictures that were not very explicit, but very personal, I could say. Photos were sent on both ends, but I never thought they would be used against me. This incident gave me a very, very uneasy feeling. 

Second, he became very aggressive and threatening. I mean, really threatening the way that I was in fear for my life. He said, “There are officers here who are leaving for Australia. They’ll be sent to your address, and they are going to hurt you.” The thing is, he had my address, which he needed to book the airfare. He also had my mobile phone number and bank account number.  Thank God, we have security cameras at home, front and back. I can see everything and feel secure, which is all you need. Nevertheless, it was an incredibly scary time for me.